Mind, Body & Spirit

How to spot who’s sucking you dry (and who will add something to your life)

 “WHO pulled the wind out my sails?”

Right then lovelies, if this phrase resonates read on – cos I’ve got a gem of an exercise that sorts it out.

To over simplfy things, there are two categories that your daily interactions fall into:

  • those that energise (whoop whoop!)
  • and those that draaaaaaain

If there’s too much drainage life can seriously begin to suck.

So let’s sort that out.

With a quick and simple to do exercise (always a selling point in my book)

I used this last week, after my realisation that I kept yawning  and was feeling a bit peekey (aka: pissed off, lethargic and irritable) in certain peoples company.  Basically my fun and satisfaction quota felt strained and out of my control.

I looked and felt like this – attractive huh!!

drained web - boarder 450px

It was time to do a ‘people stock take’, take some responsibility and get back into my mojo.

Two Questions:

  1. Who’s draining your energy?
  2. Who’s giving you energy?

Be instinctive – don’t second guess – put guilt aside if someone you love is currently draining you!!  If you write it down just burn the piece of paper after and they’ll never see their name on your ‘suckage list’!

Note – this also works activities / to do lists / responsibilities

How do you work out the drainers from the givers?

  • Ask yourself, “when I’m with these people how do I feel?”

Drainers leave you:  tired, exhausted, lethargic, frustrated, uncomfortable, defensive, exposed, angry, hurt, guilt
Givers leave you:  feeling inspired, motivated, energised, buzzing, smiling, happy, refreshed, satisfied

  • Ultimate Litmus Test = the 5-20mins after you’ve spent time with these people.
    Why?  Because often during the actual interaction you can get sucked into it their vibe, especially someone elses mind games…and sometimes believe that all is great.  However, in the aftermath its just you with you – and the  real truth of the matter bubbles to light.

Example:  I had a friend for years that I always felt buzzy and amped when I was with her…however, when I then went off on my merry way I tended to feel like a deflated balloon and a bit confused.  It took me years to realise (we’re talking decades) that she was actually bad for my health!  Quite literally.

Some Notes to Remember

This is personal
Someone who drains you – may not drain someone else (so let them have them!)

AND the results can change from week to week
A friend may be exhausting you this month – and yet next month all feels good again (perhaps they or you are going through some stuff and you just aren’t compatible during this time)

What next?

Take your list of Energy Drainers – how can you minimise contact with them?

  • put them at the bottom of your priority list
  • spend less time with them
  • don’t reply to their emails / calls so quickly
  • explain you’re busy now and will get in touch later – gradually fading things out
  • pass them over to another colleague?
  • or you might just be able to dump them!  (be nice about it lol!!)
  • invest less energy when you’re with them (imagine you’re self contained in a bubble that just happens to be bouncing next to their bubble for the next hour or so

Now take your list of Energy Givers 

  • put your focus on these people
  • prioritise them
  • invest more of your energy with them
  • can you add in more interaction with them in your days and weeks?


Sometimes the awareness of this exercise is enough.

Liv – in simple speak please?

Meaning, you don’t have to take active action (e.g. telling your friend / father / boss to go jump as they made your list of energy draining suckers).

Rather, holding this list in your awareness (mind) will create some change by itself.  Why?

Because the more you’re aware of it, the more likely you are to see these interactions for what they really truly are – thus they hold less importance for you and less power over you.  You’ll instinctively withdraw the amount of time and energy you invest in these people.

In Buddhist terms (I like a bit of Buddhism) drop your attachment and so they will naturally fall away / diminish in size / or bugger off completely (if you’re lucky!)


“energy flows where attention your attention goes”

So put your main focus on your ‘energy givers’ list – and it will bring more of the same to your life.


“there’s a finite amount of room in your life”

So by focusing on the good stuff – it will naturally push out or transform the crap stuff.  In my opinion and experience this is the most enjoyable, least painful approach to creating meaningful and positive change.

A wee analogy for you – to give an example…

a cup of moldy coffee you found under a chair and don’t particularly want to touch – so you stick it under the hot tap and as the water pours in it dislodges the mold and pushes it out over the top of the mug until only shiny warm water is left.  Effortless and much nicer than the mingy effort of scouring it out.


Try it out!

I’d love to know how it shifts things for you.  Leave a comment in that little box below or drop me a message 🙂

If you have any friends who seem to be flat-lining forward it on…and then laugh hysterically if they stop all contact with you – only joking!! (would be kind of funny though 😉 )

Big love,

Liv xXx

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